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15 MOST COMMON MISTAKES PEOPLE (WE) MAKE WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK
Drinking alcohol is usually a good idea, but sometimes even the most reasonable of us drink too much and may find ourselves in compromising situations. Sometimes, the consequences amount to a slap on the hand -- other times, one can find him or herself faced with some jail time. The best rule of thumb is to put yourself in situations where the fewest mistakes possible can be made. The following are 15 drunken acts that seem to commonly be made, and which, in most cases (even if they are fun while you are doing them), can be avoided.
Calling an Ex Lover
One of the great classic drunken mistakes, calling an ex-lover while tanked is rarely a smart move. Almost every time you do this you end up embarrassing yourself, either by confessing lingering feelings, offering them sex or bringing up a bunch of old memories that stir the long-settled emotional pot. If you're longing for this person is still strong, calling them sober to discuss the situation in a clear frame of mind is almost always a better choice.
Getting on a Subway
Subways are great way to get around in a big city, and when traveling a block or two, their inherent discomfort is rarely an issue. When you are loaded up with alcohol, on the other hand, the subway becomes a ride straight from hell. Several inescapable realities of subway travel make it an absolutely dreadful experience while drunk. From the moment you get on, til you shove your way through the crowd to get off, you are packed in tight with strangers. The smell of a few sweaty and unwashed passengers combines with the stench of hot garbage to assault your nose. Throw in the sudden stopping, starting and shaking of the subway car, and you've got a recipe for queasy, dizzy nausea.
Playing A Sport
Just because you used to be a star player on your high school team does not mean that you should engage in any sort of athletic activity when you're drunk. This can be hard to resist, as alcohol almost always tickles your competitive spirit. You might even feel like you can play better drunk than you ever would sober. This is a mistake, and following urges to grab the ball and show everyone 'who's boss' often results in concussions and broken bones. From basketball to football, hockey to baseball, wait until you sober up to hit the field and school your opponents.
Attending Your Kid's Sporting Event
As was just mentioned, alcohol tends to make competitive people especially so, and there is nothing more obnoxious than a drunk in the stands at an elementary school sporting event. Screaming professional plays at fifth grade softball players is classless. Getting in the referee's face and shoving him around a bit over an unfair call at your son's soccer tournament is completely uncalled for, yet this is what alcohol tempts us to do. The best bet is to attend these games sober, or so send your wife in your place. Save your kid the embarrassment, and save the police officers the occasion of dragging you off the field while you scream about 'regulations' and 'field playing time.'
Sunbathing
High heat and alcohol do not mix. Alcohol dehydrates the body and makes you feel warmer than you actually are. In addition, being drunk in the hot sun makes you feel very sleepy and dizzy. It is easy to see then, why getting bombed on a beach and then laying out on your towel to catch some rays can be disastrous. The beating sun and alcoholic haze combine to quickly put you to sleep. When you wake up you will likely be burnt to a crisp with a stomach ache and splitting headache. Better would be to hit the beach during the day and save the drinking for the nighttime.
Streaking
Streaking is one of the oldest tricks in the book. Unfortunately, it's also a sure-fire way to embarrass yourself for months to come. In the 1970's streaking was a popular prank, a display of courage, and a general right of passage for college freshmen. Streaking went out of style in the 1980's, but it never fully disappeared. When your head is swimming with booze it can be hard to keep it on your shoulders, but unless you are the kind of person who wouldn't mind the entire neighborhood seeing you naked, you should try to avoid this activity as best you can. Otherwise you'll wake up the following morning with a ton of people having seen you running around naked, and perhaps even some photographs of the event in circulation.
Starting a Fight
One of the most bemoaned side effects of alcohol is that it makes some people highly aggressive. Even if booze doesn't send you out looking for a fight, it often lowers the threshold of anger, meaning that small annoyances that you would normally brush off might make you want to fight. This is especially true when your reputation is called into question, or your friends or date is insulted. While bar fights always look cool in movies, they are frequently regretted and totally avoidable in real life. Unless you want a permanent arrest on your record or and ugly scar from a glass bottle on your body, all because someone was 'running their mouth too much,' it would probably be best to keep a cool head when drinking.
Trying To Climb Things
What is it about high places that seem so tempting after pounding some drinks? The garage roof, a limb on a tall tree, a steep rock quarry, whatever it is, it looks tempting to climb. The important thing to remember here is that your balance, coordination and decision making are all impaired. Climbing up tall stuff is dangerous sober, let alone impaired. You don't want to be remembered as the guy or girl who ruined the party by falling off the roof like a drunken buffoon. Sadly, this happens more often than you imagine.
Jumping In The Sack With a Stranger
Lets face it, alcohol ramps up our sex drive. To claim any different would be a bold faced lie. Its no wonder, then, that so many young, single partiers wind up sleeping with new people after a long night of guzzling beer. The problem with this is not fully realized until the awkward morning after, when you cant remember each other's names or how you met the night prior. Worst of all, in your drunken lust, you might have forgotten to use protection, leaving you susceptible to disease and pregnancy. That's a lot of worry and trouble for one night of sex, and it could all be avoided by getting to know the person a bit before running off to the bedroom.
Getting A Tattoo
Many tattoo parlors have lost their licenses for tattooing drunken clients. In fact, you can no longer receive tattoos on the island of Key West, Florida, because a drunken man woke up the next morning with eight balls tattooed to his eyelids. Not a good morning, we can imagine. As funny as you think it might be to get a tattoo of Yoshi riding a Harley with a leather jacket on, you will not feel the same the morning after. In order to save yourself expensive and painful laser removal surgery, simply write your alcohol inspired tattoo idea down when you're hammered. This way when you sober up you can read it and assess whether or not you still want to get it. More often than not you will thank yourself for being smart and waiting.
Trying to Drive ANYTHING
We have all heard the warning not to drink and drive a car. True as this statement is, many people don't realize that they shouldn't be driving anything when drunk. This includes all vehicles land and sea. Some speedboats can zip around at 80 miles an hour. All it takes is one misjudgment and the boat could be upside down on account of a large wave or a sharp turn. If being drunk impairs your ability to drive vehicles with four wheels, it should be obvious that you certainly shouldn't try your luck on a motorcycle. Too many biker bars load riders up on liquor and send them speeding home. Sadly, some of them will not make it. Other vehicles you should avoid driving while drunk include dirt bikes, ATVs, jet skis, go carts, snow mobiles, personal aircraft, helicopters and mopeds.
Messing With Law Enforcement
Being drunk has lead to more confrontations with law enforcement than ever needed to occur. As mentioned before, liquor raises your aggression and lowers your inhibition. It also tends to make you feel bigger and badder than you actually are. Its easy to see how these things combined often result in fights with law enforcement. Sometimes cops give you a hard time, and it can be tough to deal with them when you actually feel offended by their requests. Being asked to leave a public place, being yelled at for making a scene, having your hood-banger party broken up - these situations can be frustrating. It is important to realize however, that you have no authority over the police, and getting in their face with slurred speech about 'your rights' and similar talk will find you in the back of a squad car before you can say 'drunk and disorderly'. If you're hammered when the cops show up, do what they say and complain about them later.
Messing With Animals
Wild animals can be fascinating creatures that inspire us to study their behavior and lifestyles when we see them. Wild animals are also unpredictable, dangerous, and sometimes violent. Playing crocodile hunter with the raccoon family in your backyard or poking a large snake with a stick may seem funny after five shots of tequila, but the sober mind easily sees that exploring mother nature's creatures is best done with a clear head. Even gentle looking deer are protective of their young, and the last thing you want to see when you can barely walk is a father deer running angrily toward you, antlers out.
Relieving Yourself On A Building
Having to relieve yourself after eight bottles of beer can be a serious problem, especially at three in the morning when most public places are closed. Sometimes we can get away with finding a dark, enclosed ally-way to quickly drain the lizard on the walk back from the bar, but in some places this is simply not possible. At times, some people decide to just unzip and let loose on the front of a building. Unencumbered by embarrassment or concern for convention, many choose to unload in plain sight. It is important to try and keep it in mind that there are laws against such behavior. If you are caught in the act, you will be slapped with a fine and possibly charged with being 'drunk in public.'
Facebook/Myspace Your Friends
These days, the drunk comment might be overtaking the 'drunk dial' tradition of the past. Drunk dialing was fun because you could be sure that your call was heard by one person, who you carefully selected to call. On Facebook or Myspace, anyone can see your sloshed ramblings, and often this leads to embarrassment the following morning. Paragraphs about 'this super cute guy' you made out with at the club' and stories similar inebriated escapades no longer stay between you and your 'BFFL.' Instead, everyone can now read your sloppy business, from your co-workers, to those weird people from High School who you were never friends with, yet friended you anyway. If you need to call your friends and brag about the awesome times you and the bottle are having together, do it over the phone, or wait until you see them in person.
